The Awkward Supper

Yesterday I was sitting in my house with nothing to do so I called up one of my friends, his name is Nelly. He’s also a student of my neighbor and he’s a taxi driver so sometimes he’ll give me rides and we’ll go on car rides around the city. He’s a cool friend and a few times his family has invited me over for dinner. It had been a long time that I’d gone over there for dinner until yesterday. I don’t remember it being so awkward but this time I just felt so strange. So here’s this experience.

I called Nelly up yesterday to ask if he wanted to chill for a bit. He said yes so we decided to meet. I thought we were just gonna go on a walk but he showed up in his car. Then we headed to the city and drove around for awhile and I bought a few things and he was blaring that new Rihanna & Eminem song--btw,very catchy! Then we left the city and I asked him where we were going and he said his house just for a minute to get something. Awesome, this is going to take forever. There’s no such thing as going to someone’s house and only staying five minutes. And it was also the hour to eat dinner, so this was going to take awhile. Whatever, just roll with it. So we pulled up to his house and he asked if I was going to come inside to say hello to his family. At the moment I honestly just wanted to get home because I planned to hang out with one of my girl friends but I didn’t really have a choice so of course I had to go inside and say hello. Before we walked in I prepared myself for all the typical common Mozambican greetings like “you have disappeared where have you been” even if you may have seen this person yesterday, or “you are stronger now because you have gotten fatter” I’ve learned people say this depending on whether you look thinner or fatter in the outfit you happen to be wearing, and just other things.

So, I entered. For a moment I felt like how Beyonce must feel when she steps onto stage because as soon as I entered the front yard everyone got silent then was like oh, MALLORINA! Then Nelly’s sisters came up to me to give me beijinhos (kisses on the cheeks, casual greeting). I surveyed the scene. Not uncommon at all. They were all eating dinner- caccana and xima. Caccana is very very bitter green leafy vegetable used to make a traditional caril (sauce) to be topped over rice or xima. It’s definitely my least favorite Mozambican dish because it can be very bitter and sour depending on the person that makes it. The women and children were sitting on an esteira on the ground. An esteira is a straw mat and is the equivalent of a picnic blanket. The two men, Nelly’s father and brother, were sitting in chairs and a small table not far from the rest, also eating.

Nelly’s sister pulled up a chair for me to sit-not at the table but away from the table and next to those who were on the esteira. As soon as I sat down, Nelly disappeared. So I sit down and greeted his mom in Chengana, no one was expecting that so a few giggled- my local language ability has improved since the last time I’d came over to visit. Nelly’s mom doesn’t speak Portuguese, and people only choose to translate after I give them a baffled confused look which basically says I really have no idea what’s going on. Nelly’s mom told me her back was hurting and she needs to see a doctor. Many people here think that just because I’m a mulungu that works in a hospital means that I’m able to give medical counsel. So then I felt awkward because here I am able-bodied and sitting in a chair and she’s on the ground hunched over, and I felt awkward because all I could tell her was to go to the hospital the next day and to rest and drink lots of water.

Then Nelly’s sister asked me if I liked caccana. I said no. Completely ignoring what I just said she told me to go sit at the table with the men to go eat. She said I’d like her caccana. Fine, so I sat at the table with the men. I immediately felt awkward because once again, the rest of the women were on the ground and the men in chairs at a table. Nelly still had yet to reappear.

So there I was sitting at the table with his father and brother. His mom then looked up at me and asked in Chengana if I was cold. I didn’t understand so his sister translated after I gave her “the look”. Then I greeted the men and asked his dad how was South Africa and when did he return. Then his brother gave me the bowl to serve xima and then asked me if I wanted xima quente (hot). I said no. Then he was like xima QUENTE. As if I didn’t understand. I said NO, I can finish this xima right HERE. Can we please just get this over with, I thought. Then they handed me the caccana and I put just a little over my xima. Then nelly’s sister yelled from ten feet away, “Serve yourself more!” I’ll try this first, thank you. Then I started eating and felt especially strange because I was at the men’s table, Nelly was nowhere to be found, and then everyone was talking in Chengana. I don’t usually feel awkward when people are all speaking the local language around me, I did this time because I just wasn’t comfortable. I started eating and the caccana was really bitter, I could tell by looking at it before I ate it because it was dark green-maybe it hadn’t been boiled long enough and I don’t think she added coconut milk, which usually makes carils sweeter. I tried to finish it quickly and I finished it before I ran out of xima. Nelly’s sister yelled at one of the kids, “GIVE TIA MALLORINA more of the caril, right now!” That reaction was normal but I wouldn’t say that tone is always necessary for a simple request. Then I take the bowl of caccana from this shunned child who passed it to me. “Sorry, kid.” As I put just enough caril back on my plate to finish off the xima that I had I noticed that Nelly’s dad was drinking wine. He was the only one drinking wine. Without even asking, he just poured me a glass of wine and put it in front of me. Very nice of him, yes. I felt like it was a sign of respect to be offered the wine so I accepted it. Then I felt awkward because: Nelly still hadn’t returned, everyone else was sitting on the ground except for the men and I who were sitting in chairs at a table eating, I didn’t understand anything anybody was saying in Chengana, and though they were my friend’s family, it just still felt strange because they’re not people I see often. I accepted the glass of wine and then Nelly’s dad asked me how I’ve been and where have I been. I told him last week I had traveled to Namaacha. Then, still feeling awkward and ancy, I thought he asked me what I was doing there. I went on to tell him the new group of volunteers arrived for training and I went down there to help facilitate sessions. I guess you could say I was rambling. After I finished talking, Nelly’s brother said, “NO, he asked if it RAINED while you were there.” Really, I didn’t hear him say that. By this point Nelly finally came back from God knows where and then soon after returning he left again with one of the kids because he forgot something in the car. Ok, he won’t be gone long, I thought. He was gone for at least ten minutes- enough time to feel like an eternity while you’re really waiting on someone to return. Anyways, I answered his father and said no, it didn’t rain while I was in Namaacha. Easy answer…even though it rained at least 3 days while I was there. Should I say that? I thought…Negative. It’s time to go.

Nelly came back and sat in a chair but not at the table but over by the esteira. He finished eating and talking to everyone after about 20 minutes while I was sitting there with no food and nothing to do and just listening to them in Chengana. I didn’t even have my phone or my purse to distract me because someone took it inside for me. Nelly’s dad then asked to take my plate and I said sure and then I looked at my piece of gum I had put on the side of it-awkward, why did I do that? He looked at me then at the gum with this curious look as to what I was going do with it. I picked it up in my hand, unsure to throw it away or chew it. There’s no trash pile nearby, I don’t want to seem rude throwing gum in the yard, so I started to chew it again. After seeing that he handed the plate to someone to take inside. Then I gave Nelly “the look” and then told his family it was time for me to go and thank you very much for everything. After a few minutes of saying thank you and good bye, we left and so did all the awkward feelings.Whoo!