Girl Talk #1

I have been confided in by a few of my Mozambican women friends. They shared with me their stories and feelings in confidence, so their names have been changed. Before reading this blog entry, I ask you to please read with an open mind. Be sensitive to the following, keeping in mind that nothing is really what it seems. I can imagine that after reading the following situation some may pass judgment on what they think may be an easy situation to solve. I’ll try my best to maintain neutrality in narrating these experiences.

I have a dear friend who I will call Isabel. She is like a Mozambican mother to me. She’s had Emily and me over for dinner with her and her family. She’s a bit older, in her late forties and her husband is almost fifty as well. (I understand late 40’s isn’t old, but for Mozambicans, it is, considering life expectancy here.) Anyway, she had moved away for a few months teaching in another district. I wasn’t sure she was coming back until she called me out of the blue one day. She sounded awful. She just said that she was back and that she was not doing well. She asked me to come over. Of course I agreed I was afraid she was really sick. So we scheduled for me to come the next day because it was late when we talked. I was on my way when she sent another text message that said “My dear daughter, I am not well. I am sick with sadness and a broken heart.” I responded and told her that I am with her, and that if she wanted me to I would come right that minute to be with her. Then she responded with the truth and said, “My husband got a 13-year-old girl pregnant. She had the baby and now they are living in my house.” I initially felt hurt, disgusted, angry, and sad for my friend’s situation. I told her if she needed to she could stay with me, that I would go and get her immediately if she needed to. She declined, said we’d see each other tomorrow.


The next day I went to her house. That was hard, especially because her husband was there watching TV when I arrived. It was hard being nice to him, treating him with respect, acting like I didn’t know he violated a child and at the same time sickened at the thought that he’s a school teacher. But I did and after a few minutes of awkward tension of being in the same room, Isabel took me outside, saying that I wanted to be in the sun and that I love being outdoors. That wasn’t a complete lie. We sat down and she began to tell me that the girl who he got pregnant was back in her grandparents’ house which was close by. Isabel said her brother-in-law, who lives with her and her husband, wouldn’t allow that girl to be in their house anymore. Supposedly he said that it was wrong for her to be in the house if she’s not his wife. She then told me the story of how this all began between her husband and the girl.

Isabel’s unable to have children. About ten years ago Isabel’s husband got very sick. He had some kind of blisters in his mouth, and a fever, and swollen lymph nodes. They thought he had HIV. So he took an HIV test. While awaiting the results, Isabel told her husband that if he in fact does not have HIV, then they owe a merciful life to God. They promised that if he in fact was not HIV+, they would be parent like figures to a child that needs parents. His test results came back negative, and he got better. One day he was in their yard and a young boy walked across the field in front of their house. At the time, their area was very rural. He called the boy over and asked where he lived. The boy said he lived not too far. He asked the boy who he lived with. “My grandma and siblings.” He asked where his parents were. “They both died.” Isabel’s husband informed her of the boy and that he doesn’t have parents. They then went to tell the boy that they are looking to care for children in need of a family in their community. They told him that he and his siblings are always welcome in their home. Anything they needed, they could have. Just ask. They met his other siblings. One was another young boy and a 4 year old girl. If only Isabel had known that in less than ten years from then, her husband would be fathering that 4-year old girl’s baby.

After that, Isabel took me to see the girl and the baby. The girl was tiny; she looked like a ten year old. Her baby was also tiny, premature. This girl had to drop out of school to care for this child. I then started talking to her about the importance of using a mosquito net, regularly getting tested for HIV, and that she must only exclusively breast feed her baby for the first six months. No water, no juice, no sodas, the baby only needs breast milk. The room we were sitting in was small, with a straw mat. I asked her where they all slept. She said right here in this room on this mat with this one mosquito net. I asked her if I could bring her another mosquito net because I have extras. I told her that it’s really important because I work in a hospital and people tell me about their babies dying because of malaria. She said yes, I could bring her a net. I then had her write down my number and told her if she ever needed anything, just call.

When we got back to Isabel’s house she told me other parts of this story. As we were talking her husband would periodically come outside to check on us because he was suspicious and guilty. Awkward! Anyway, she went on to tell me that about two years ago Isabel’s suspicions grew about her husband. She noticed that when she wasn’t home, the young girl would be leaving her house with things-gifts...and that before that her neighbors had told her that they had heard painful screams from inside her house where the young girl was. After her suspicions were somewhat credible, Isabel approached the young girl and told her straight up, “you cannot have this kind of relationship with my husband. If you are having sex with him in order for you to get things, that is not necessary. If you need anything, ask me and I will buy it for you.” Isabel felt like the sad conclusion to this story was the girl’s fault because she had previously told her this, and the girl continued to sleep with her husband. I tried to explain to Isabel that it wasn’t the girls fault, because she was a child and being taken advantage of. I told her that children learn what adults teach them. Her husband was a respected, father figure to that young girl, and he taught her that it’s ok to have sex with an adult in order to earn things in return. If you think about it, the whole thing is really complex and complicated.

I offered my home to Isabel and said she could come live with me. Of course, she declined. I asked her what she was going to do about her situation. She said she would like to go to the police and report her husband, but that she won’t because a woman should never betray her husband and that he won’t be punished in this life but God will punish him in the next. I told her that her husband betrayed her and a child that he promised to initially care for. She just said that she couldn’t report him because she feels that women here are not free. I told her that’s not true and that any individual is free and not bound by any society’s laws. We make our own destiny, I told her.

After much encouragement and support from Emily, I, and Isabel’s family, she broke free from the situation. Now she’s living in another city where she found a new job. Isabel’s cousin’s husband reported her husband to the police. We’re still waiting to see what happens with that. He’s still teaching in the secondary school.