What It's Like To Miss Your Parents

It’s an absolutely indescribable feeling to express how it feels missing the people that I love. I try not to think about how much I miss people back home. Instead, I tell myself that I’ll see them soon and I don’t think about how much time has passed. But, someone asked me to write about what is it like to miss your parents, so I’ll try to explain best I can and I’ll try to stay positive as I write this.


First, let me say that I am very fortunate because my dad had a chance to come visit me in April for ten days, and I will be going home in December to visit. This is going to be a lot harder to write about than I thought it was going to be.

I haven’t seen my mom in almost a year. My mom’s a wonderful piano player and singer and teaches personal lessons at home all my life. I hate to admit this, but at times I used to get annoyed waking up to my mom teaching or to her playing the piano because at the time I’d rather sleep in later. I’m embarrassed to admit that because now I realize how lucky I was to have woken up to the sound of my mom’s voice or to the sound of her wonderful talent of playing the piano or teaching someone else. How selfish of me. You know how when you haven’t seen someone in a long time and it’s kind of hard to remember them well? Like it’s hard to remember the sound of their voice and exactly what they look like? Well, I vividly remember my parents and things we used to do together. You may be thinking, “Of course you do Mal, they’re your parents!” When I think about my parents, it’s like they’re right here, as if they’re close.

Have you ever had the kind of dream where it seems so real you wake up and wonder if it really happened or not, then realize it was just a dream? It’s kind of like that when I think of people back home. If I allow myself, I can vividly remember people that I miss and moments that we shared. Even though I’m already awake, it’s like I’m in this trance thinking about certain moments and I have to kind of snap myself back to reality. I then recognize who and what it was I was thinking about and how I felt thinking about that and then I deal with it.

For example, my parents and I used to walk our dog, Kacy together. One night during my last month spent in the States my mom had to teach a little late so my Dad and I walked Kacy by ourselves. I remember that night perfectly. I remember how the heat and humidity felt and the look of the clear night sky and being able to see the stars. I remember exactly where we walked to around our neighborhood. I remember several small details like when Kacy laid down in the middle of our walk because she was hot and tired and I tried to pull her up but my dad let her rest a minute before telling her to get up. I remember everything my dad and I talked about during that walk. We were reflecting on everything up until that point. Growing up, my time during college, and why I decided to join Peace Corps. I remember how I felt hearing my dad be proud of me and worried for me at the same time. I promised him I would do everything to keep myself safe. I remember when we got home and my mom was talking to her student and they were waiting by the door for their parent to come pick them up. (I don’t remember which student it was…sorry). When my mom heard us come in she said, “Y’all back?” I kicked off my shoes then walked to the sink to wash my hands and my mom came in through the dining room and walked up and patted me on the back. “How was the WALK?! Did Kacy make it?!” She was so happy. My mom’s always so happy and her voice is always filled with joy. Then she walked to the back door to look at Kacy exhausted laying on the tile floor. I remember how glad I was to see her. Her voice and the air conditioning was a breath of fresh air after working up a sweat.

After that walk with my dad and coming home to my mom, in that moment I knew that I was going to one day miss that moment. In that moment I already missed that moment because I knew that I wouldn’t have many more of those moments for the next 27 months.

That’s what it’s like missing my parents and people that I love and care about- re-living moments and then becoming overcome with this deep longing, an aching yearning to be with or at least talk to that person. I got a bit emotional while thinking about that moment with my parents and trying to put it into words. It’s a potentially dangerous process, allowing one to re-live moments like that. Because you realize that everyone and everything you want in that moment you were thinking about- you can’t have in your reality. Then you start negatively viewing your reality. Like right now, if I allowed myself, I could negatively think about how I just went to use the latrine and how I miss closed indoor bathrooms and toilets and running water and sinks. I could negatively think about the fact that right now my torso is covered with itchy bug bites.

Thinking about people and home like that is dangerous. It’s ok to let yourself feel sad and feel the feeling of missing someone. What’s dangerous is dwelling on those feelings and becoming pessimistic about what’s actually around you because I think it can lead to depression. My first few months at site, I had a really hard time and it was difficult controlling thoughts and feelings of missing home.

So, how do I deal with it here? I have learned to cope and I have learned to change my way of thinking. I am very aware of my thoughts and feelings and when I notice that I am thinking or feeling something negative and unproductive, I squash it right then and there and re-direct myself.

I have two choices right now: I can continue to cry about how much I miss my mom and my dad and kick myself for ever having taken for granted simple moments we’ve had together. My other choice is to recognize that I have a new found appreciation for not just my parents but everyone in my life.

I cope here by engaging in self-talk, keeping a journal, talking to my close friends here Emily and Amanda, and listening to music. But, let me also say that I have decided my life will not be one long longing. Before I left the States, I was longing to join Peace Corps and thought about it a lot. In the beginning of my service here, I was longing to be back home. I can picture that when I go back home, I’ll be longing to be back here or be longing for the next step in my life. Not any more. I now strive to always appreciate the people that are currently around me and where. At each point in my life, I may miss someone, someplace, or some time. I believe it’s important to recognize that and set aside time to just feel those feelings and process why you feel that way and what it is you miss about that person or place or time and most importantly, realize why.

Point of the story: I miss you, mom & dad.