Mallorina

Americans are able to pronounce rrrrr, but not people here. So, my new name here now is Mallorina. Finally, it's 2010 and I'm almost 22. I'm the youngest PCV in Moz. I brought in the New Year with my dear friend Emily, whose site is not too far from mine. We had made some new years resolutions together and one of mine was to be more positive. As soon as the clock struck midnight and we said "happy new year", I broke it and said "Aw, too bad we can't be with our family and friends right now." Homesickness has reached an all time high. I know I've mentioned that before but unless you have been alone in a foreign country you wouldn't really understand. I talked to a fellow Moz 13er who was visiting Xai Xai and was telling him how my life here is an emotional rollercoaster everyday. All in one day, I can be thinking how much I love it here and then a few hours later something annoying or difficult can happen that will make me want to go home. I told him that day at work my neighbor texted me saying thank you because he thought he did better on an English exam because I helped him a little bit. And that my day was also good because one of my coworkers finally gave me my secret santa present which was a fruit bowl. But then something happened in the same day like I had a small misunderstanding with one person and thats enough to bring my mood down when I should be really proud that my neighbor sent me such a great message. I'm not sure if this is human nature, or American culture, or just a personal flaw for it to be so hard to stay positive. I can't speak for everyone, so I'll say its just a personal flaw that I'm willing to share with everyone. I talked to my dad a few weeks ago and he told me, "Mal, you don't have to be there. You have a choice.  So if you want to come home, you have the ability to do that." And as soon as he said it, I knew I didn't want to come home. Thanks, dad.

But, I'm getting better, I really am. You can ask Emily...So, being positive everyday is a goal. In order to become that, I have to focus on what I think sucks and how I can make it better. Here's what sucks:

1. My house is empty. I only have 2 beds, one table and two chairs. I don't have a voltage regulator so I can't use my computer.

2. I have been having stomach issues- diarreia.

3. It's really hard to define my job at my job.

Here's how I'm looking at it now-

1. I don't have alot in my house but if I didn't have a bed, I couldn't sleep. If I didn't have a table, I couldn't eat on it or put my stove on it. I have a stove and a fridge. Essentials for survival. I have the means to get furniture. Actually, I went to a carpenter and designed my own china cabinet/bookcase thing. I can't get it delivered like Gallery Furniture, but it'll get in my house somehow. And if it doesn't fit thru the door, we could probably just peel back my tin roof and set it in..just kidding.

2. I finally called PCMO and got some antibiotics. My stomach is still sensitive and I still get diarreia but atleast its more controllable now. This will have to be a whole nother blog entry.

3. Defining my job as a Peace Corps Volunteer is the most difficult. But, I have an awesome ICAP supervisor and the activistas I work with are really great and excited to work with me. This also will have to be another entry on its own.

Then, I was thinking, I have a good Peace Corps site. I have a market right behind my house, I'm 10 mins from the beach, 5 minutes from the city, I have a best friend, Emily, who is easy to get to, and my job has potential. I can't really complain. If I'm unhappy here, I would have to go back to the U.S. and be unhappy there. So, I'm working on it.  I'm finding small things that make me happy. Whenever something gets to me, I have a permanent list of things in my head that I can think of that automatically lifts my spirits.